Discussion of "The Light in the Forest"
In this transcript from a review of student work, teachers, administrators and district staff look for evidence that the essay, "The Light in the Forest" met persuasive essay standards and exhibited "passion".
Teacher 1: I was struck because the student says, "My first reason why it was so difficult . . .", then I thought he was going to say, "My second reason . . .". It looks to me like the second reason is weaker than the first; it just doesn't have the strength of the previous paragraph.
Teacher 2: I think because the logic is questionable. The logic is to have him stay or be killed. It doesn't seem like a real difficult decision.
District staff 1: I love this paper. I'm not sure the kid supports what he's saying, but it's a beautiful piece of an eighth-grade mind, and I think that this kid took the road not taken by not focussing on the main character. This child saw this book in a way that was probably the most difficult. The student writes, "Parents have to make difficult decisions for their children because they care for them." That's the essence of what was motivating CuylogaCan incredible amount of love and bravery. The student lost the point because he started moving around it a little bit but it's there underneath. For me that's passion. This child understood this book at a level that was passionate.
Teacher 3: I saw a lot of passion in this paper as well. Understanding about parents' feelings and what it feels like to have to make a horrible decision when you know it's going to hurt no matter what.
Principal 1: It's obvious that this child took the road not taken. I got the feeling that the child who wrote this was tying into something at home. That maybe this alluded to something that was going on in the person's house and that's why they felt this was the most difficult decision. Perhaps something had happened in their own household that made them tune into this part. Because on the surface this is not a difficult decision, but it really struck home. I agree with the fact that in the third paragraph the second reason is not that strong.
Facilitating teacher 1 : So you're saying that the supporting information is not that strong?
Principal 1: No it's not that strong.
Presenting teacher: I'm not sure that I would say the position wasn't supported very clearly. The writer feels as though he's supporting his position. What I'm clearly seeing here is that they're not sure how to write for an audience. Common at this age. I find it to be a challenge to get them to write for a reader, to understand that there's someone else reading this. They're still writing from their own minds.
Principal 2: If we're going to ask kids to give us both passion and logical support in the same piece of writing, we're asking a lot. Because they are antithetical to each other in some ways. If you're going to reach down and see your passion, you don't always make a lot of sense. Some people who make a lot of sense aren't always in touch with their passion.
Facilitating teacher.2: So do you think we're closer to the goal of passion?
District staff 2: I think passion is very subjective. If you're looking for passion in a piece of work, you have to first define what you mean by passion to the people who are reviewing the work. In my point of view, I saw what I feel is passion in this paper, but maybe someone else wouldn't feel the same way.
Presenting teacher: What I took from the last review helped me move the students along with this writing assignment. Both reviews were beneficial for me. I know I still have work to do on logical thinking. Not to keep going around in circles to keep zeroing in. Maybe I have to do more brainstorming with them. Maybe in some way I need better diagrams with which we form our opinion. I know we still have a lot of work to do on thinking logically, speaking logically and then putting it on paper because that's the hardest part.
Principal 2 : I'm wondering if they did some cooperative peer discussion with a graphic organizer before the writing gets done, it would help them to develop that logical thinking.
Teacher 4 : This paper is a response to literature. Kids have a lot of opinions about things that are happening in the world around current events, around things that are sometimes closer to their hearts. Maybe literature can help clarify their thinking, but I'm wondering what would happen if they had to take a position around something that was more dynamic.
Presenting Teacher's Reflections on Group Feedback: I think what's important about this process, and the people who were part of the process, is the feedback I received, which was so valuable and I need it. Sometimes I look at things and I don't see them. I become so involved that I'm losing sight of what is really there, and what is not there. I can't distance myself and sometimes I don't know where to go next. Sometimes I just need someone to know about this, so that someone else sees it. It's not that it's someone better, it's someone else saying, "Did you think of this? Did you think of that?" and it gets me moving.
|
